Deprogramming Jessica

There has always been a feeling of mine that religious based charities are disingenuous. They are one of two things. Either they are doing it for themselves, as a ticket to heaven or they are doing it to evangelize. Help, but for a price. I think about those shoeboxes we used to send out for Christmas. The thought of that now seems so gross. A colonization tool. A tool to evangelize. Yuck.  People like to point to most charities being connected to a church. It isn't that these charities don't help people, because many do. It just seems weird when you think about it. 

I am fully set in my new normal. I know what I believe and do not believe. I know what I am open to and what I am no longer convinced of. I am comfortable enough with it at this point that I feel like I can start to be honest about it, should someone bring up a topic where it is appropriate to share this. I feel like I have an idea of where I fit into the universe and pretty much everything else is just a guess that I am open to learning more about as I age. I am okay with not knowing things. I feel content in my new understanding. I am okay with having left other ideas, opinions and notions behind.  That said, I am not the best at articulating these understandings and these changes in perspective. I feel like should the opportunity arise for me to have an open discussion and should I be up against someone who becomes hostile, I may not do a good job explaining myself in a way that they can understand me. I realize that should a conversation occur the other party would very likely ...

As I abandon all things Christianity, I am still on the lookout for things to bring me joy and to celebrate. Celebration without worship sounds fine to me. It sounds lovely, actually.  As I have been diving into learning about my ancestry and my pagan roots, I am fascinated by the idea of the wheel of the year and celebrating the change of seasons by being grateful for what each time of year has to offer. So, I am going to work on some little private celebrations for each of the slices of the year. I think it will be fun and also kind of a big middle finger to the church, which right now feels like a real good time.  I am looking at how to celebrate Samhain (pronounced sow-wen) which is the Celtic tradition that precedes Halloween. I will be following that up with Yule, which is the celebration of the winter solstice and the reason Christmas is when it is. I look forward to celebrating Yule this year. Again, not as a means to worship anything, but as a way to show gratitude, f...

I used to buy into that.  Now, when I hear people say it or read it online in a meme or something, it just makes me cringe. I am now able to see how absurd that notion is. There is absolutely no proof of a reason for anything. Life is very random and that is very hard for humans to grasp let alone accept.  I have been thinking again, about the ideas of determinism and free will and my understanding of it has changed a bit. I think that at this point I can get behind the idea of determinism. I know that free will is bull shit. There is no such thing as free will. What I mean by that is, the idea of determinism is how I would define the notion that when I make a decision, it was 100% based on all of my previous experiences and my knowledge and how my brain works and there is no possibility for me to have made a different choice than the one I made. What I do NOT mean by determinism is this sort of romantic idea of a destiny or an ultimate purpose.  The way I am understandin...