Deprogramming Jessica

Following in the same vein as the last post, this one is also about reality and where I am at with that in this stage of my life. I firmly believe that if 2020 and 2021 were not the absolute shit shows they have been, I very likely would not have come to the conclusions I have. I don't even know if I would have been put in a position to study, learn about or care about these things. But, here we are.  I have been trying to figure out how to best articulate my current thoughts on reality. It's pretty nuanced and based on a whole lot of different ideas. I guess it all began to fall apart when I finally let go of living life through the lens of Christianity. That in itself was a tough pill to swallow and it only led me down a deeper rabbit hole as I work to make sense of everything to the best of my ability. I feel removed from reality in a way. Not like an out of body experience or anything like that, but I feel like I am seeing the bigger picture in ways I never have before. I a...

What is reality?  I have been putting some thought into this notion recently. Thinking about how mentally ill people have "lost touch with reality" and can't tell what is real and what isn't. Thinking about what truly is REAL. What does it mean for things to be real? To me, reality only exists as how I perceive my environment with my senses. If this is true for everyone than the idea of reality would be pretty subjective. Sure there are some things about out reality that are objective. We exist as living beings on this planet. We have brains that process information about the things around us. Other parts of our objective reality are that we are born and we die. We get sick. We have to eat, drink water. We rely on the sun. We have instincts and urges and talents.  But, what about the rest of reality? By that I mean, society. The rest of the human experience is predicated on a bunch of "agreed upon terms" and it is THIS part of our reality that is the most su...

 My aunt shared this meme today: I used to buy into that notion. That I was born broken and bad and anything good that happened to me was in spite of how awful I was, inherently. That I deserved every terrible thing that could potentially happen due to the brokenness that was out of my control. But, God was so good he would forgive me anyway, protect me anyway, bless me anyway... I ran into a guy yesterday who is a known over-the-top Christian. Always trying to connect with the youth. Always trying to be a teacher of the Word. Always trying to live according to what God wants him to do/be. The last conversation I had with him was a couple of years ago, over lunch. He had questions for me about self-publishing a book and marketing. But the conversation turned more to him interrogating me on some of my religious opinions and I could tell he was NOT a fan of my answers. I was one foot out the door then, regarding my faith and I think he picked up on that. It turned into him preaching ...

I am on a new quest to connect with my roots and my ancestors and be a true child of the earth, whatever that ends up meaning. I have moved beyond needing to have a sky daddy of some sort. I don't believe in any creator deity. But, I still yearn for a connection to the planet I am a part of and the universe I am inside of. I have decided that the best way for me to do that is to learn how to get back to basics, in a sense. Because the true meaning of the quest is equal parts connection and learning how to block out negative energy. I am tired of being bombarded with it, constantly.  What this looks like is, unplugging from social media for a large part, reading and listening to ancient lore and practices of ancient healers and of those who were considered witches. Learning about this from Germanic, Nordic and Scottish history as these are the bulk of my ancestry. I am not going to be worshipping anything or offering gifts to faeries or anything. But, I do want to learn about these ...

Now that I have let go of my faith in the Bible and Christianity; something I always knew I needed to do but was too afraid to face it. I do miss feeling connected to something. I know that living based on religion is pointless and even can be harmful. But, I miss feeling like I am connected to the universe. A part of things. Because, I am part of everything. I know that's true. Made of elements; of star dust. Floating on a breeze.  I miss feeling connected to nature. I miss feeling like I can listen to my intuition. I have been in a phase of nothingness, since leaving religion behind. I am not looking for a new age "spirituality" either. I don't want to be trading one superstition for another. But, I do want to embrace some sort of feeling of connectedness. And I can do that without believing in a creator God or worshipping anything.  I started looking into my ancestry. Specifically, the women who are my ancestors who lived in times prior to Christian colonization. I...