Deprogramming Jessica

As I stand on the other side of the fence from Christianity I am able to observe things I once believed in others and see how absurd it is. I can see people making justifications so tremendously self centered; so arrogantly, when things go their way and making excuses and trying to explain things away when things go wrong for them or others. It is truly remarkable.  Let's take this past week, as an example.  We have been suffering a drought since March. Rain had come across Lake Michigan time and time again and just dissolved as it came on shore. Crops were starting to shrivel up.  This week, we got the opposite. Flooding. We got about 6 inches of rain in a few days time. It was also the week of our local fair. The whole thing was swamped and ruined and even had to close early. The week was topped off with a tornado that ripped through the area causing a lot of damage.  This was just bad luck. Just bad timing. It's climate change at work. Droughts and floods. Weather...

I have been considering the concept of unconditional love, lately. Growing up I was taught all about unconditional love. It was to be a goal of mine; to love people unconditionally. This was taught at home and at church. God loved me unconditionally therefore it was my duty to love others unconditionally in return. And I was told that looked like this: Loving people in spite of their flaws Loving people you don't agree with or get along with Forgiving people when they hurt you Loving people though their struggles At face value that seems fine. It paints a picture of loyalty and selflessness. We were taught to love others unconditionally, like God loves us.  During my deconversion process two things about unconditional love have become crystal clear to me.  God's love is actually 100% CONDITIONAL. The concept of unconditional love is TOXIC as hell. Let's first touch on god's love for his people. Now, I no longer believe that Yahweh exists, or any god of the Bible, but fo...

The stage I am currently at I am having some mixed feelings about Christians out in the world.  In my woke state I fluctuate between being unaffected by the idea of people believing anything they want to believe and absolutely irate over watching Christians use their beliefs to bully people. Like, I am okay with the notion of people believing in Yahweh or Odin or Faeries or whatever they want. But I am NOT okay with people trying to use their theology to belittle others. It's disgusting and it makes me want to scream in their faces that their Gods are fake and they're complete imbeciles. I don't do it. But I want to. Somehow I have been able to come to realizations and have epiphanies many people need the help of psychedelic drugs or deep meditation to have. I have a completely different perspective when it comes to reality and life and death and the idea of what is important and real and what is not.  None of this stuff Christians think is so important, actually is. It...

It was quite a year.  A year of self reflection. A year of growth.  A year of painful realization. A year of beauty. A year of death. A year of breaking free. I still have much to learn and overcome. But, I feel like the struggle is behind me. I feel like I have peeled off the layer that I carried in burden, for so many years. I was able to strip away and leave behind the things that bound me. Those religious teachings. Those biblical rules. That toxic theological mindset I tried so hard to spin and pull and justify.  Religion has no power over me anymore. The guilt I had to work through while letting go is finally cast off and left behind. I feel more alive without Christianity. I feel more at home and at ease without the pressures and the notions of a sky daddy.  My logical mind is free. I am free. Free to be a free thinker who is sometimes open to the idea of spirituality and other times feeling like an existentialist. I can be all of these things and none of them...