Unconditional Love

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I have been considering the concept of unconditional love, lately. Growing up I was taught all about unconditional love. It was to be a goal of mine; to love people unconditionally. This was taught at home and at church. God loved me unconditionally therefore it was my duty to love others unconditionally in return. And I was told that looked like this:

  • Loving people in spite of their flaws
  • Loving people you don't agree with or get along with
  • Forgiving people when they hurt you
  • Loving people though their struggles
At face value that seems fine. It paints a picture of loyalty and selflessness. We were taught to love others unconditionally, like God loves us. 

During my deconversion process two things about unconditional love have become crystal clear to me. 

  1. God's love is actually 100% CONDITIONAL.
  2. The concept of unconditional love is TOXIC as hell.

Let's first touch on god's love for his people. Now, I no longer believe that Yahweh exists, or any god of the Bible, but for argument's sake... God is love. That's what they say. God's love for us is unconditional. Bull Shit. It is absolutely conditional. If someone does not meet the conditions, they are thrown into eternal torment and suffering. You will hear apologists say that it is not God sending us there, it's us sending ourselves. And that God doesn't want that for us. HA! Then why does it even exist? As has been pointed out by several others, a loving God does not give eternal punishment for finite "crimes." How could an entity that is supposed to be love itself even allow a child of theirs they claim to love without condition, make rules and be fine with the eternal torment of the child they love? Something doesn't add up. As a parent, this doesn't add up. It sounds more like a manipulation tactic. 

Speaking of manipulation tactics, that brings us to my second point. Unconditional love as a principle is toxic. It teaches people to tolerate abuse. "Loving someone through it" can be a dangerous situation for someone who is trying to love an abusive partner or family member unconditionally. There have to be conditions. There have to be boundaries. 

When we think about unconditional love, we think about a parent accepting a child that identifies as LGBTQ or we think about loving someone even when they get really sick or suffer a traumatic injury. But the day to day consequences of teaching kids to love people unconditionally sets them up to be targets of lifelong abuse. 

This realization has given me pause and caused me to re-evaluate my own relationships. I am not sure what to do with this information. But, I know that teaching unconditional love is a slippery slope and it is a way the church opens up young people to targets of abuse and manipulation. 

And it's a lie, that god loves people unconditionally. There are absolutely conditions... 



 

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