Deprogramming Jessica

Deconstruction is such a journey. It's such a list of phases. From fear to anger to acceptance and from trying to label and have all the answers to abandoning all labels and being okay with NOT having all the answers. I think we try so hard at first, to find the "truth" because we have been led to believe the Bible was the only truth. So, if we are leaving that all behind, there must be something to replace it with. Something that feels like an equivalent, sure answer. What you discover and eventually have to come to terms with is that we don't know the truth. We can't know until we actually die and experience it for ourselves.  People who are believers have no concept of what it is like to be a non-believer. They try to come up with ways of understanding. The problem is, their concepts are all within the framework of their religion and it does not allow them to accept or comprehend a life outside of the church and Christianity.  At this point I am still standing ...

A friend wanted to talk about God and religion and spirituality with me, yesterday. Aside from my mother who is STILL working every day to show me why faith is important, this is the only other person I have really breeched the subject with. I am finding that even people who are less rigid about their beliefs don't allow themselves to really question things. Not really. Whenever I come up with a compelling argument AGAINST God being all knowing, all loving and good they can only answer with the "We can't understand God," response. When I bring up the possibility that God was created by man and not the other way around they answer with, "I have seen God do work in my life too many times. It's real." When I point out that there is no actual proof any of that was God and if it was a God there is no way they can know it is the God in the Bible and ask why God seems to them to be intervening and helping some people and others are left to suffer and die, they ...

I have come to the realization that at this point in my life, I don't have beliefs. I have ideas. I say this because ideas can be easily changed. Beliefs, not so much. I am anti-dogma and anti-organized religion, for myself.  I have gone back and forth between referring to myself as atheist or not. I suppose by definition, I am. But I don't feel like I need a label. I don't feel like I need to place myself in any sort of box. I am just me. I think and reason as only I can.  Beliefs are dangerous. They cause people to do all kinds of ugly things. People will literally DIE over their beliefs and for them. Beliefs cannot be questioned. Ideas always can. Ideas are truly openminded.  Letting go of beliefs previously held has literally given me such feelings of freedom and release.  Believers will always assume that people leave the church and they leave religion because they want to live immoral lives. They are leaving so that they can go out and be all sorts of criminal ...

I titled this "Meaning in Life" and not "Meaning of Life," quite intentionally. Probably the biggest question believers have for nonbelievers is how they can live in a world and live a life devoid of meaning. I would argue that their perception of meaning is skewed, but nevertheless they have a profound issue with the idea of people living what they can only perceive as a life without purpose or meaning. A life without hope.  I don't see it that way at all. A life has meaning when the person living that life gives it meaning. Life doesn't have meaning just because it exists. If you want your life to mean something then you simply go out and give it meaning. You can choose to live a meaningful life even without the influence of a God or religion.  My life is not devoid of meaning. In fact I would argue that life feels more meaningful to me now than it ever did when I was a practicing Christian. Instead of living a life expecting God to rescue me from life...

I have come to a current point where I am not trying to define or label my beliefs anymore. I am done trying to find a box to fit myself neatly into. Given that I can't tell anyone what I believe, by name, it would be a pretty odd conversation to have with someone seeking to better understand where I am coming from, should they ask. I guess that's why I was trying so hard to find a place to group myself. For the perceived benefit to others who might ask. I am finding that people don't ask. So, it's really a non-issue. And if they did I suppose I could direct them to this blog. If they were that invested this would be the best place to gather a better understanding.  I have discovered that I don't have a belief system, so to speak, so much as I have some ideas. I have come to the conclusion that beliefs are more rigid and are a place to stand firm. They are a hill to die on; a place to plant a flag. Beliefs are very difficult to change. Ideas can change any time new ...

Mom is going through some stuff right now. She is going to be losing her parents soon. It is only a matter of time for her mother. So even though she has a level of understanding about where I am in my life, there is a part of her that is struggling with it because of where she is in HER life. She doesn't want to be confronted with my thoughts about the possibility of there not being an after life, for example. I'm not saying there's nothing after this. I am saying I don't know if there is or not. However, at this point I am convinced that the Christian heaven and hell don't exist. We probably go wherever we were before we were born; which is either somewhere or nowhere.  One thing about talking to my mother is that she is not great at listening. She doesn't listen to hear, she listens to respond. She isn't as open to discussion as she thinks she is. I haven't even really been able to say enough or explain my thoughts and feelings about all of this. She ...