Where I'm At Right Now

I have come to a current point where I am not trying to define or label my beliefs anymore. I am done trying to find a box to fit myself neatly into. Given that I can't tell anyone what I believe, by name, it would be a pretty odd conversation to have with someone seeking to better understand where I am coming from, should they ask. I guess that's why I was trying so hard to find a place to group myself. For the perceived benefit to others who might ask. I am finding that people don't ask. So, it's really a non-issue. And if they did I suppose I could direct them to this blog. If they were that invested this would be the best place to gather a better understanding. 

I have discovered that I don't have a belief system, so to speak, so much as I have some ideas. I have come to the conclusion that beliefs are more rigid and are a place to stand firm. They are a hill to die on; a place to plant a flag. Beliefs are very difficult to change. Ideas can change any time new or better information or experiences come along. So, I don't have beliefs. I have ideas. 

Some of my current "ideas" are as follows:

• I am not convinced a creator God exists. That said, I am not convinced there isn't something bigger out there either and I am open to the idea of there being things I don't yet know about or understand. I am super skeptical of this bigger thing being a creator entity. 
• I feel pretty confident in saying that if something bigger DOES exist, it is not the Christian God from the Bible. 
• I feel like the Christian God, and by extension the Jewish God, Islamic God and the ancient God(s) of both Cannae and Mesopotamia and not unlike other gods from ancient Rome, Greece, and Scandinavia are just the attempts of ancient civilizations prior to and including the bronze and iron ages to explain the world they lived in and where they came from. 
• Evidence (and lack of) seems to suggest that though there are some real people and kingdoms described in the Bible, the stories are more legend than anything. 
• The so-called infallible and inspired word of God has issues with texts being written centuries after things were said to have occurred and with translations of translations changing meanings, maybe on purpose and maybe by accident. We also had powerful religious leaders over the millennia taking turns spinning texts and omitting texts to fit a preferred church narrative. This is a form of manipulation and control.
• My ideas about what might be out there if not the Christian God go something like this:
• Time and space are far more complex that we can possibly imagine. I am open to the ideas of multiple universes.
• I am all in on the stardust bringing life to this planet, idea.
• As far as an afterlife goes I am far more open to the idea of reincarnation that I am a literal heaven or hell. I'm not even sure if we are relegated to this planet if we are given multiple life times. I'm not really sure what to make of all that. 
• I am more apt to lean towards an afterlife/spirit realm as opposed to heaven because of what we currently understand about consciousness and energy being connected and how we can demonstrate that energy is the one immortal thing in the universe we know of. Energy doesn't cease to exist it just moves somewhere else. Where it goes, is the question. My current idea is that a perfectly preserved consciousness in spirit form is less likely than a dispersement of that energy out into the universe. A rejoining with all other spirit energy that may or may not be a part of a future consciousness at another place and time is another idea I have pondered. Some people think about this in terms of a collective consciousness. I'm unsire about that at this time.
• I have ideas about there being things about the world and our reality that we are unaware of. 
• I am at a stage where I am not really ruling anything out except for the literal gods all ancient civilizations created for themselves to help understand the world around them. I see why it was necessary and I find all of those things fascinating. I do not, however, see how these ancient texts should be law of the land in today's world with all we know and can prove/disprove. 
• I accept that there is a certain magic and order to nature. I accept that there is much we don't know or understand. 

Final thoughts of the day:

I feel like even without religion or a God or a purpose, life is still a beautiful and wonderful gift. It's so serendipitous. So wonderful and so sad. It's so peculiar. We are here. We exist on a rock spinning around a star and hurdling through space. The fact that I (my energy and consciousness or spirit) get to be Jessica for a while is beyond magical. It will be over in the blink of an eye, no matter how long of a life Jessica has. But, I will have been flesh and blood with consciousness on this planet, in this time, as Jessica; somehow. Full of wonder. Being human. When it's over it will be sad. But, it will have been worth it. To be here for a while.