Atheist is a Scary Word

Scary to Admit

Part of the reason why it took so long for me to accept my true beliefs is that I was legitimately afraid. It was too scary to go there.

I had been taught awful things happen to anyone who questions. I was taught it was dangerous to look into other beliefs. Things like yoga and meditation were un-christian and an invitation to let evil into your life. Condoning things like homosexuality meant I didn't care enough about that gay person to stop them from sinning and my complacency was condemning them to an eternity in hell. Was curiosity and tolerance worth eternal hellfire? 

I'll admit, I was afraid of my thoughts and questions, for a really long time! I had been taught that denying God was going to mean some REALLY bad things for me including inviting evil into my life up to and including spending eternity in hell. Not to mention, women who questioned these things long ago were called witches and burned at the stake! People did not mess around with alternative theories that were anti-religion. 

And even though I have finally come to terms, there are still some risks, if people around me find out. I could be shunned from coaching, from volunteering, from all social circles (not that I am in many). I could lose friends (not that I have a lot). There are some possible risks. But, I cannot pretend any longer, that I buy into the church; any church. 

Especially not after what I saw all throughout 2020. That year showed what humanity is capable of. It was eye opening and I am on a new path. I am free from fearing the worst will happen to me simply for not being able to prevent myself from being a big thinker. 

Are Atheists, Agnostics, etc. Evil?

There is a real misunderstanding about this group of folks that I used to buy into because it was how it was presented to me. Atheists are painted as the opposite of Christians in every way. People who are atheists are supposed to be these scary people who are purposely immoral by the definition of the church. They would be these people running around the world, fornicating and being all kinds of anarchists and murderers and just having abortions for fun. Atheists are these scary people who HATE GOD. 

On my journey and struggle to let go, I came to gain a greater understanding of these people. They are not evil. They are not out to cause chaos. They don’t hate God or worship Satan, in fact they’re either not sure they exist or are really sure they do not exist. They don’t live these morally bankrupt lives filled with debauchery. They are not people too stubborn to truly have faith in something. They just can’t. Or they used to and they don’t anymore.

These are people who just don’t know if God is real. Or they feel there is no God or they just question God’s existence to the point that they aren’t comfortable with worship or faith or they disagree with the things religion stands for. These are people who see major issues with dogmatic religions and have decided to distance themselves from them, for their own reasons. Many atheists grew up as Christians and Muslims and later left the faith, like me. 

All atheists have their own reasons for the beliefs they hold and non two are the same. Are there bad people who identify as atheist? Absolutely. Are there bad people who identify as religious? Absolutely. Morality does not come from religion. Empathy does not come from religion. The idea that this is the case is the very thing that has chased a lot of people away from the church. Even when you overlook the morally repugnant behavior (even by God’s definition) done by “God’s people” on a daily basis you cannot overlook how morally bankrupt the Bible is. You know, the thing they use as life’s big book of answers. That thing is FULL of terrible shit from condoning slavary and rape to infanticide, murdering people just because they are outside of your group, it’s full of blatant sexism and racism. Yet THIS is where the world is expected to go for answers. Is it any wonder a segment of the population finds this to be really fucked up, myself included?

To be an atheist or an agnostic is not the opposite of being a Christian. You cannot apply the same principles. We are taught that people “without God” live an empty meaningless life only to be sent to hell for their non-belief. At no point are these God fearing people able to set everything aside to try and understand why a person would choose not to believe in the God of the Bible or Allah. They are so wrapped up in fear, afraid to have the conversation, wanting to plug their ears and run away rather than sit down and listen to someone. Their snap judgements combined with what they have been told about non-believers makes them deaf. All they can do is try to convert or re-convert the person because they are trained to fear this so deeply. By doing this you are showing them God’s love. You are saving them from eternity in hell. It sounds very empathetic. I would argue that it is very closed minded. 

I feared when I learned someone was atheist because I asked myself why they would knowingly choose hell over heaven. Why would someone do that? 

What I failed to see then, that I see now is that there are no guarantees of ANYTHING. Is there a heaven and a hell? My guess at this point is, no. Does that mean nothing happens when we die? Can’t say; never died before. There is absolutely no more proof that the God of the Bible exists than there is evidence against his existence. We just don’t know. 

Ever since coming to terms with all of this I have started listening to people discussing these topics and I am fascinated.