Working Through It

Today is a day where I feel confused and my brain feels muddled about stuff. This shows that unlearning something after almost 40 years takes some time and is has its bumps in the road. I have been doing more research, learning about atheism, world history, religious texts and I have been listening to people discuss and debunk religion. The main guy doing all the talking is a former Christian and he has ZERO belief in anything whatsoever, when it comes to "anything else" and his arguments are pretty compelling. That has left me with a few questions for myself that I am trying to answer. 

Do I believe in God?

If I answered no, does that mean I don't believe in any sort of thing out there that is bigger than us?

What do I mean when I say I don't believe in God?

If I say I don't believe in God, but still believe in something, how can I justify it?

Wouldn't believing in any sort of spirituality just be a different version of the same fake news?

What do I "believe" when it comes to spirituality?

Why am I more convinced of this being plausible than the Bible?

Okay, now that I have laid out the questions, let me try to answer them. This should be a good exercise for me to help declutter the confusion I feel right at the moment. 

Do I believe in God?

I do not believe the God of Abrahamic religions exists. 

If I answered no, does that mean I don't believe in any sort of thing out there that is bigger than us?

This is complicated. At this point I do not believe in a God who created everything and planned everything. I think there might be something to the idea of a collective consciousness and the energy of the universe all being connected in some way and that maybe being something that involves us and is also bigger than us at the same time. I struggle to articulate it. Basically, a belief in everything being alive, everything being part of the universe and being connected through consciousness and energy which could possibly be one in the same. 

What do I mean when I say I don't believe in God?

I think the Bible is mythology at best and religious propaganda at worst. I don't believe in what it teaches. I do not believe in the God of the Bible. Period.

If I say I don't believe in God, but still believe in something, how can I justify it?

This as been my hang up, the last couple of days. The idea that, if faith is fake and we base our opinions on logic and reason, it is easy to pick apart the Bible due to its many problems, contradictions, inability to be investigated, etc. Well, then wouldn't we have to approach all belief systems using that same criteria? I think we would! 

Wouldn't believing in any sort of spirituality just be a different version of the same fake news?'

Yes, I suppose so. Otherwise that is just rejecting a God you don't like for one that is more palatable to you. That doesn't really make sense for someone like me, who has questioned the Bible's validity forever due to its lack of consistency and inability to be truly investigated as authentic or true in any way, shape or form.

What do I "believe" when it comes to spirituality?

My current stance at this phase of my deprogramming is that there are some things that are compelling to me regarding things like consciousness and energy. These are things that can be and are being studied. I realize that there are things we don't currently understand and I leave those things open ended, so that I can evolve my ideas along with what we learn about these things. At this point, I am open to believing that there is some truth in most everything in the spiritual realm. There is some truth to crystals doing something and oils and herbs doing things (because chemistry and vibrational frequencies). These are things that are observable and can be investigated. I am open minded about astrology because we have studied and we understand that the moon has an affect on our planet, therefore it would stand to reason that other object sharing a gravitational pull could also have an affect on us. I am open to the idea of a collective consciousness and I am interested to see what is learned about consciousness as time goes on. I am fascinated by numerology because of things like the Fibonacci sequence in nature and the universe. 

Why am I more convinced of this being plausible than the Bible?

At this point, it seems to me like the things I am leaning towards as explanations for the currently unexplainable are things that can be looked at and studied through math and science. Conclusions can be drawn and theories made through actual data and things can be independently investigated and verified. That's why I am more apt to believe a rock might be alive than I am apt to believe the Bible. I don't have to have faith in the rock being alive, it's just a theory. Faith can be very dangerous and there is no way to prove or disprove it. 

Basically, I am open to being open about the big philosophical questions of the universe and I am willing to listen, study and alter my stance as new information is learned and becomes available. I do feel, to the depths of my being, that the Bible is a sham. I really do. So, it is my quest to fully leave THAT behind me. The thing about Atheism and being an agnostic is that you aren't "subscribing" to anything in particular. You can consider all kinds of things, being open to changing your perspective or theories based on new information. Atheism is free of dogma. For me, I feel connected to the earth and I am in awe of everything. I am not dead inside because I don't believe the Bible is true. I am very much alive and full of wonder. I can appreciate without the need to worship something in return. 

So, I suppose that would classify me as Agnostic, which is an offshoot of atheism which basically says, I'm unsure about some things. Where HARD Atheists believe there is nothing more, Agnostics tend to think that there is something more out there, they just aren't convinced of it and aren't sure what that something "is." That's pretty accurate for me. I would also sort of fall under the category of omnist. Omnism is a belief that says all religions and forms of spirituality get some stuff right and some stuff wrong. Because I am open to all kinds of things and my criticisms fall on Abrahamic religions, specifically, I feel like Omnist might fit me as well. That said, I may well drop the omnist from the label as time goes on.