The Crutch

The last three years have been quite the roller coaster and boy have things changed a lot for me since I finally made the conscious decision to leave not only religion, but faith behind. I can confidently say that at this point I am no longer struggling with what I believe or where I stand, though I still haven't made any public proclamations. I am not mad about it. I don't dislike people who are religious, so long as they are respectful and not pushy. But, I certainly have a very different perspective compared to just a few years ago. 

I have come to one major conclusion about the need for religion. I do truly believe that there are people who need religion to survive and lead productive lives. There are people who, without the fear of eternal torture, would be wretched human beings causing unthinkable harm to others. For these people religion provides them with a conscience. Albeit a self serving one, but at least they're not out here raping everyone. There are people whom I believe only stop themselves from committing terrible acts against others because they are afraid of hell. And I hope they stay true to the faith. 

There is another group who derive all of their purpose from religion and they too, need it to live normal lives. They need to feel loved and favored by God. They need that reassurance that there is something after this life. They need to know they are pleasing the creator deity to feel like they are serving a greater purpose. Heaven is the goal for these believers, whereas with the other group it was as much about NOT going to hell. 

Both of these groups (whether they know it or not) are using religion as a crutch. And the catalyst is fear. Fear of being punished. Fear of not existing in some spiritual form after this life. Basically, it all comes down to the fear of death. It's the ego's fear of death. 

Now, I have seen my share of death in the last two years. I watched three people I was very close to, take their last breath in an 18 month period. It is nothing to be afraid of.   

If you were to ask me today, what the meaning of life is I would tell you that life has meaning because we assign it meaning. It is absolutely incredible that we exist at all. I am made up of the same elements as the universe. The same main molecules that make up the universe are in me. I am in the universe and the universe is in me. I exist for a while and that is enough. And because I am the universe and I assign meaning to my life, that also works out that the universe has meaning. To me it is really no deeper than that. 

If you are to ask me what I think happens when we die, I will tell you that I believe we go back to wherever we were before we were born. I expect not to exist anymore, after I die. I expect my energy to disperse into the air and my body will return to the earth. I won't mind that I am dead because I won't know. Just like how I didn't know about the time before I was born. There is a human need to search for things that are eternal. I don't see a good argument for the existence of anything that is truly eternal. Everything has a beginning and an end. And this is nothing to be afraid of.

Now, I can argue all day about how the God character of the Bible is an awful character and how the Bible should not be our standard for morality. I can talk about the inconsistencies or how things don't line up with how we understand them today (earth revolving the sun and not the other way around). But, I don't really have a need for that at this point. I am secure in where I stand and unless someone challenges me on it, I am good. 

I actually feel more at ease processing the deaths I have witnessed from this side of the fence. I don't lament the fact that my family members are gone, as if it is something that happened to me. I don't see it as anyone or anything's failure to intervene. Death is simply part of life. And you don't have that sort of freedom inside of religion. Religion breeds angst. It did for me and I have seen it manifest in friends and family. It is harder to understand why bad things happen when we are taught there's an entity capable of anything. Then, it feels like a slight. When death is seen as a normal part of life and a part of nature, it's not so hard a pill to swallow. The grief is still there, but without the anger of feeling forsaken.